what radicalized me? XMAS EDITION
hello. at the time of this writing, it's still christmas in new york. here's what i've been working on this week, writing wise. you can expect more from me in 2026 in terms of consistency...we hope. i'm not gonna lie, i am FATIGUED from various christmas day tasks, things like whisking and masking. i did it tho. well, halfway. i left half of my family hanging. i phoned it in, and i feel HORRIBLE. like genuinely so sad that it's after 1700 and my broke disabled ass didn't sleep well so i'm mad fried. i'm tying this piece up now, please excuse anything funky, so sleepy, brain feels like scrambled eggs. i learned today to put club soda in them if you like em fluffy...i was like WHO DOESN'T. i read something this week on BlueSky that was like, writers DO HOMEWORK FOR FUN??? accurate. anyway, here we go with what radicalized me, christmas edition:
i sat down with grandma this week to watch it's a wonderful life with jimmy stewart and donna reed for like the twenty-fifth time, for me, the sixty-something'th time for her. i practically know it line for line, and in true movie nerd fashion, i'm gonna break down some of the lines that did me in this time around. i'm a big crier. usually it's at like the peak moments toward the end that get my tears flowing. but this time around i had chills and a little stream down my cheeks waaaaay early. it's been a helluva year. hollywood is one helluva drug. especially at christmas.
since birth, george bailey wants to travel the world and change it in major ways. he and i have that in common. he says if he has to work at the "shabby little office, [he'd] go crazy, [he'd] bust!" well, that doesn't happen. because his conflicting nature is to be the definition of holding it down. he risks his life to save his kid brother, resulting in permanent hearing loss. (disabled zaddy ;-p) when his pops dies suddenly, he puts off college so that potter doesn't get his grimy hands on the buildings and loan business. because he never leaves bedford falls, george considers himself a failure until met with divine intervention. as i write this i think of my small but growing readership. i get self-conscious. what if this isn't important. but clarence the angel second class who helps save george would definitely tell me that's not the case. keep writing.
the movie hinges on a man about to end his life over $8000, and if that isn't relatable in the era of student loans and klarna.... he's told he's worth more dead than alive by a really gruesome excuse for a man, the same man who STOLE THE 8K. the nerve of potter in this whole film. like damn. the crisis george is in is so ridiculously relatable to me--someone who frequently is bailing out the boat. the film normalizes both rotating debts and mutual aid. george and mary keep the buildings and loans business open thru a bank run with the funds they were about to spend on their honeymoon, they float everything somehow and change lives in the process. if that ain't street justice, i don't know what is. in the film's climax at the end, the 8k comes back multi-fold when the town hears that george bailey, the man who helps everyone before himself, needs a bailout?! THE POWER OF COMMUNITY MAKES ME GIDDY, ALL DANCING IN MY SEAT LIKE.
why did the whole town show up? because for two generations, the baileys operate on their understanding of a person's character, their story, their family's needs. they see people, not dollar signs. they are not shrewd businessmen, but rather empathetic members of the working class. everybody understands just "how hard it is for a working family to raise $5000" (what's changed?!) this is why they get the appreciation they do in the final scene: the whole town pours in to help the baileys recoup their stolen funds. bedford falls' town history and vibe is preserved and not sold off to make "pottersville." suck it parasite.
i don't give a damn if it's a christmas film, its a wonderful life is top five in my film favorites, and as a whole experience is one of the many reasons i choose to stay alive. to live to see another year, when i can sit down and do the same thing i did around this time last year. cookies and movies and red pajamas. this film is heartfelt but it's not cheerful? the critical issue is suicide, and it was dealing with it long before 988. the power of art. i had my own clarence the angel moment back in college. on the bus. i love the bus for this reason. i was deep in suicidal ideation, and the driver, seemingly randomly, told me (the only rider) a story of a rider he'd known who'd offed himself. popular kid, everything going for him. like clarence, this angel reminded me of my purpose, keeping me in this stratosphere.
now it's christmas night and i'm sober crying to chance the rapper and jeremih's album because, and i can't stress this enough, it's been a helluva a year. i have to wrap this up and make tea with extra ginger so i don't absolutely lose my shit. praying for my family extra hard tonight, the ones who came by today and the ones i choose to love on a daily basis who live near and far. those who are facing their own doubts about whether or not to continue carrying on this show and dance. i pray your flame is lit tonight, and stays lit in the year to come. remember, no man is a failure who has friends.
big christmas blessings, peace & love, pj
