paz americana - dedicado a mis amigas de playa
if it were up to me it'd be world peace among beings. but it's not up to me. and we're at war. and so i'm gearing up. more like speaking up, from my crippled cave. cozy in a yellow jumpsuit and grey slippers as i sip on some motherwort tea. resting now, so i can ambush some n@zis later.
disney is on my warpath. that post didn't trend well. people don't seem to understand that it's everybody vs. billionaires if we want to live. stop doing their dirty work. drink some tea and take a nap, they really hate it when you relax. unless of course it's by a disney resort pool sipping a $23 cocktail. i can't stop.
i played thru cardi's new album (imma SoundCloud cunt, if you're still stuck on spotify please divest. while you're at it, switch your prescriptions to a local pharmacy, NOT CVS, who is unitedhealthcare aka corporate takeover in medicine, or walgreens. let them fail like rite aid, and give your drug money to someone feeding their family rather than the wall street guys. in my experience, service is also much better at local pharmacies) anyway, playing thru album while seeing red and feeling my blood pressure rise thinking about speaking up. then i remember, i been on this shit forever. thats why people run away from me, and maybe part of the reason why i have 34 subscribers. let's amplify that, if you've made it to this point please, please share with someone who you think might read. would appreciate that immensely. but the ones that stick? they are usually ones who are also on their own warpaths. the cardis, the sineads, the gretas. they (you?) aren't numb to the horror shitshow that we are living thru. the bleak reality of the race wars, climate wars, the genocides, the preventable death. they speak up, too. they wear masks. they read books and poems. they keep journals of what's happening, because they want to record the truth of what they witness in life, and how it made them feel. some share those entries to the world as artistic pieces. and to those artists who are brave and resolute about social issues, i give flowers and dollars and hugs and compliments. those im in community with have my back. my aching, stenosisy, hypermobile back.
i'm officially out on disability. this transition is already hard tho i can't lie. i had finally found a job i liked, that i could do with accommodations. but i am one tired, pained bitch. i injured myself pouring tea. what the actual fuck is wrong?connective tissue disorder. when i put it that way, hitting send on my notice to quit this week was the most glorious mother fucking feeling ever. this company, like every other company i've had the displeasure of twerking for, is a lil shady and money hungry. they claim to want to do good but like, they do the bare fuckin minimum for the people, and they burn thru employees, especially ones who care.
thinking about mama g and mama l. oooh not seeing them will hurt me. both have blessed me with bud at times when i really fuckin needed it. on some synced bodyminds shit. thats the thing tho, it's not goodbye it's just see you later. theres no way i don't share a blunt with these cool women in the near future. i love the people who live there, and especially love my team, and i'd still be showing up if not for my unpredictable, possessed, pained body. my homegirl reminded me, i am unwell and need to care for me for now, if i'm gonna play the long game.
she's so right, and i want to play the long game. so i gotta take it easy. grief about that reality washes over me. it's exhausting living with these conditions, some weren't even listed on my 8 page disability letter, but many, many were. such is the life with co-morbidities!!!!! YAY!!!! my disability approval letter included the iconic line: claimant cannot focus for more than 30 minutes and has trouble with authority figures. if that's not me in a nutshell?!
some people my age planning weddings. i plan out my doctors visits. i will only get to plan like unofficial celebrations of love and even that gets risky with disability...there are actual rules against cohabitation and marriage if you want to keep your benefits. i don't know all the rules about what happens if i have a kid out of wedlock though. i do think they cover the child. like, amazing, but weird fuckin country that if you're disabled and want a kid, you better have a web of support cuz marrying a coparent is not allowed? maybe this shit will change in my lifetime. maybe it won't. but i know it doesn't matter, because i'm already, in a queer spidey fashion, assembling my web of support for if/when i become a disabled mama.
BECAUSE FUCK EUGENICS. AND BLESS CARE PODS. that's all the time i have for today, blessings blessings blessings, paz paz paz. hasta luego, pj
