keeping on
the shins on the duckplayer radio, no ads, the way i like it. being sold shit sends me into a full blown tizzy. i am sensitive. my audhd girls all believe i'm on the spectrum, and so do i. but i don't want a autism diagnosis in rfk's murica. i already have the 5150, the disability claim for pain and bipolar, i'm vulnerable. if you aren't, and you aren't fighting actively, redistributing substantially your able bodied paycheck, i don't want you in my timeline. shoo. but if youre an autistic girlie (all genders), hmu in the comments lets be friends.
i ran into my friend O. the other day. their phone ran out of minutes, we both had been thinking of each other tho. we hugged and i smoked us out and it was delightful. i shared my plans for the hive with them and they were like YO you made this? and i was like yes....let's fuckin buzz our way to our sustainable, resistance community full of women caring for each other's needs AND wants dammit.
i saw a video of four women rolling a fifth woman in a wheelchair into an accessible pool. she said it had been like 20 years since she had been submerged. her face was pure joy and relief. my mermaid self couldn't imagine going that long, especially if i was mostly getting around in a chair, i would be losing it to float in the pool. she was so happy, they all were, as was i. in another video, some surf instructors rigged up a way to strap a young man's chair to a surf board. he was absolutely having the time of his life riding the waves, with the star instructor steering from the back. another world is possible. its already here.
i didn't live in the back of oneida's nail salon and work for scraps at disneyland to stay silent about social issues. i slept in bunk beds in a dirty ass roach infested hair and nail salon, and i said to myself and my roommates, men, this is not right. no bunks for grown adults unless we on some kind of vacation. even then, the fuck we doing that for. we are GROWN. for daily living, we need our own space. homes and apartments EXIST, SIT VACANT, they're just being HOARDED by the GREEDY RICH BASTARDS. fuck em, we'll find a way to house each other i swear to goddesses i'm on a mission. if i can eliminate homelessness in just my city, working together with common folks for reasonable solutions, then i can die happy. i'll still die happy because i saw thru the facade of mickey mouse and made it to the other side...where TRUE happiness lies, in the witchy shit:
yesterday a friend my exact age (we 2 days apart!!) invited me over to her new apartment. we shared a joint on the steps to the side of her house, and each smoked half a cigarette--harm reduction!! we talked magic, and went inside to do some fire bending. we focused our collective energy on making the flames of her pink candle burn vertical, still. and they did. when we ceased, they started dancing around again and she goes "SEE!!" and i did in fact see. we were fire bending.
look, i'm keeping on steadily with my foot on the gas over here. i been living and loving and laughing so hard this summer, i just haven't had the time to check in. i co-collab'd with a legendary local group to put on a disability pride month event, that was a highlight. after that went off smooth, i took a daytrip to the beach with my co-collaborator & my honey, we went to queer beach and dipped our tits in the atlantic. so yeah, it's been mostly bliss, mixed with the usual pain, mixed with terror but not shame. ever since quitting alcohol, i really don't feel all that bad about myself. i'm alive, a version of sober, and that's honestly efuckinough. whatever i'm doing is working, i'm still here and aside from some predictable mood swings (annoying to go through, but i'm building stamina to withstand the storms without totally collapsing or needing someone else to pull me out. it's sorceress-level mind tricks i'm doing with myself and when i understand how it works i will definitely share. i do not believe in gatekeeping especially vital knowledge. tho i do have that paid tier to give out extra special, early access love to the homies who keep me afloat.)
if you're reading this and we've never met...holy shit like, thanks for following along the journey. i know it's sometimes a bumpy fuckin ride but merrily we roll along ok? ok. if you do know me, and you're reading along, thank you also for stickin with me thru all these ups and downs. until next time,,, which hopefully won't be another month and a half, ya gurl PJ